I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the  other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we  used to enjoy together. 

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in  meeting up and re-kindling a little of that "magic. ""Wow!" I said. "I don't  know if I could keep pace with you now.  I'm a bit older and a bit balder  than when you last saw me." She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the  challenge. 

"Yeah" I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a  waistline that's a few inches wider these  days!"  She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.  She  teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still  be a great lover.  Anyway, she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to fuck off.